Sienz
For some reason, am not very motivated nowadays. So much for being the new broom which can sweep well, and all that jazz.
1. I loathe office politics, but it is inevitable. I don't initiate nor retaliate, but more oft than not, am still caught in the middle. Wastes a lot of time.
2. I detest fickle bosses. Or worst still, bosses who issue instructions and when you do as told, suddenly have no recollection of having ever told you to do it that way. So away you go, haughtily dismissed and feeling like a totally incompetent nincompoop.
3. Work itself is pretty challenging, so much so, I sometimes wonder what the heck I am doing - not that my boss seems to have any clear idea as well, other than frown at my lousy input (hey, even I am aware of this, ok. some suggestions to improve would be of more help) and declare quality below par.
4. I hate it when people think it is ok to stroll into office at 10:30am when they should have reported for work at 8:30am, and makes it YOUR business to cover their absence for them.
5. I deplore people who, with a wave of the hand, delegates all administrative work/ blame to you just because "I don't know how to do it". It's only my 4th month, but this is your 6th year, at least?
Work has its ups and downs. Just at a low, hopefully, for the time being only.
PS: Am slowly acclimatizing to the idea of leaving Malaysia soon. Thus, there isn't really any need to be overly flustered about the irritations at the current work place. tee hee.
PPS: Never thought I would say this, but I DO miss my ex-boss. Yeah, the one who vomits blood.
Ouch
I am in physical pain. Just because YOU were careless, I had to fork out an additional RM220 to change an AirAsia flight from the 12th of August to the 21st of August. Arggh!!!!!!!! And don't say it isn't your fault - coz the e-mail you sent me about the flight details is still sitting in my inbox. And i was taking extra care to book as instructed.
Argh!!!! RM220 just down the drain like that at a click of a button. I could have flew back to Penang for the weekend and back and still have change to jingle!!!!! Arghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guilt
My boss is sharing her worries and revenue targets with me. I am fully aware that she will be relying on me to pull my weight and deliver quite a fair bit as the rest of the team is even newer than me and definitely, much less experienced.
Despite knowing that I am 90% certain of leaving my current job, I merely nod and play along, giving away no sign of my tentative plans. No, not now. Not when there is still a slim 10% chance that I may be staying!
I sound selfish. But it may also be denial. Personally, I have to come to terms that this is something which I need to do. My CV is already in circulation. Hubby has high hopes that I'll obtain a decent paying job (I'd told him that there was no way I was settling for less to relocate) soon enough for me to perhaps take off with him this coming September or October.
Nevertheless, I still slave hard at work, absorbing as much knowledge as I can - nevermind how irrelevant this may be to me in a few months down the road.
Am unsure if the required 30-day notice I need to serve will be sufficient to cushion the shock of me stepping away from a job which I seem (and am reasonably) happy about. But hey, at least I am trying my best to help her build up a team. Have hinted to her a couple of times that she needs to start hiring more experienced staff soon, only to be told, "Well, it isn't so easy to find good experienced staff nowadays."
Oh well, if you don't try you won't know! Don't say you haven't been warned.
Always Right
I hate working for bosses who think that they are the only ones who can get things right.It is not my fault that you don't read things properly and jump to conclusions. How can you expect to get things right the first time around, when you do not bother to invest some time to read and understand the background?The result of which, you tell me that i have totally misunderstood things. That I have wasted my time on non-essential tasks etc etc. And you flick out a piece of paper and start scribbling on it, walking me through what you think is correct.I squint and my mind races. Isn't what you are reproducing on paper exactly the same as what I have done on powerpoint, for your ease of reference? And when I point it out to you, you tell me that this is only the background and really, i shouldn't have spent so much time on it.And you ramble on and on. And i follow suit. Every "mistake" you point out, I justify my stand and show you the basis for conclusion. And every time without fail, you shoot me down - either it is not well phrased, or not described properly, or some other flimsy excuse. I feel disappointed and frustrated. For some reason, you are not reviewing my work fairly and properly. Particularly when the so-called errors or lapses in formatting detected are really supposedly the incorporation of your own feedback and comments arising from the review of the last completed assignment. This time, you want paragraph 2 on top of paragraph 1, preferring to present the advice in an e-mail instead of a powerpoint enclosure. Nevermind that in the last assignment, you had wanted paragraph 1 on top of paragraph 2 and had preferred powerpoint to e-mail. When you are fickle like that and blame me for not doing the right thing, I am so tempted to blast back, "Well - that was what you wanted the last time. So am just being proactive."Ok, maybe i phrased that a little more diplomatically. But you always tell me, " You must have heard wrong." or "I never said that". Within the last 3 weeks, I have learnt that it is no point arguing with you when you are in this kind of obstinate mood. I just give in. After all, you are boss, and perhaps, I may not be around this office much longer. So why fight over petty matters. I have adopted the attitude that I will ask or clarify twice and if you still insist that you are right, I will relent and just do as told - nevermind if I don't agree. What I will not do is send out things which I don't agree in my name. If you want it rephrased or redone your way - of course I can make the amendments as requested, but the final document to the client won't be coming from me. You can send it out instead. If anything turns nasty, I do not want to be blamed. I have highlighted the issues as best as I can but since you think little of the significance, well - let it be then.You are nice and bubbly as a person, but just sometimes, can be an awful bitch to work with - particularly when you are stressed and unreasonable, refusing to understand simple logic. Sometimes, things are not as complicated as you make it out to be. Sometimes, clients really don't expect the sun and the moon either. so just KISS (Keep It Simple Stewpid). Today, after making me dance round and round the mulberry bush, and having redrafted the advice twice, no thrice, I compared the final version with my original version. Despite having gotten everything "totally wrong" the first time round, the difference with that in the final copy is merely formatting. What went right? Well, obviously there must have been some value-add in you scribbling my work down on recycled paper, and then transcribing the same stuff into a different file. Exactly the type of service our clients are looking for?Sienz.
Career turmoil
At the request of hubby dearest, I just revamped my CV again. Sigh, having to fish it out after only 4 months - that is so, so very soon. Too soon in fact.
And as I updated the document, it is evident why I was feeling non too chuffed of having to job hop again. I had worked hard, building up what I hoped was an impressive resume. Having settled on a job which I think I wouldn't mind doing in the next couple of decades to earn a living, my career seemed lined up and definite. I just had to work on excelling at what I was doing and surely, I would be more or less fine. Maybe never ever making it to the apex, but I am ok with that. My ambition has somewhat waned the last few months as I realise that life at such great heights comes at a price and can be lonely and hostile.
To have to uproot myself to a country where my skills are not required is demotivating. The job experiences which I have diligently accumulated and the shit which I've put up with just so that I am in the position I am in now seems to be all-for-nought. I know I know there are lessons learnt which are transferable across all jobs but realistically, I will be flung a few rungs down again. And possibly doing something which I may not like as much as I do my current job.
"Its OK...you'll get a job. That you can be assured."
But it is not any job I want. And given the chance, I'd like to win the job based on my own ability and not via a recommendation from someone who hardly knows me, let alone is familar with my work performance and attitude. But I guess beggars cannot be choosers and seriously, I should be thankful.
I dread about the day when I need to return home a few years after maybe. Will I still be employable, let alone think of having a career still? I really do not know.
Sigh. At the end of the day, no one is forcing or pressuring me to make the job switch now. But I cannot deny that in my current circumstances, other priorities beckon. Happiness ranking highest and family being key. The sacrifice of a potentially successful career is a difficult decision to make. Gut wrenching painful. But reminding myself of what I really want and treasure in life, I think this move is, unfortunately, necessary.
Didn't I once proclaim that my long term ambition is to be a tai-tai? So why am I bothered and flustered with the sudden kink on my career path?
