Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Career turmoil

At the request of hubby dearest, I just revamped my CV again. Sigh, having to fish it out after only 4 months - that is so, so very soon. Too soon in fact.

And as I updated the document, it is evident why I was feeling non too chuffed of having to job hop again. I had worked hard, building up what I hoped was an impressive resume. Having settled on a job which I think I wouldn't mind doing in the next couple of decades to earn a living, my career seemed lined up and definite. I just had to work on excelling at what I was doing and surely, I would be more or less fine. Maybe never ever making it to the apex, but I am ok with that. My ambition has somewhat waned the last few months as I realise that life at such great heights comes at a price and can be lonely and hostile.

To have to uproot myself to a country where my skills are not required is demotivating. The job experiences which I have diligently accumulated and the shit which I've put up with just so that I am in the position I am in now seems to be all-for-nought. I know I know there are lessons learnt which are transferable across all jobs but realistically, I will be flung a few rungs down again. And possibly doing something which I may not like as much as I do my current job.

"Its'll get a job. That you can be assured."

But it is not any job I want. And given the chance, I'd like to win the job based on my own ability and not via a recommendation from someone who hardly knows me, let alone is familar with my work performance and attitude. But I guess beggars cannot be choosers and seriously, I should be thankful.

I dread about the day when I need to return home a few years after maybe. Will I still be employable, let alone think of having a career still? I really do not know.

Sigh. At the end of the day, no one is forcing or pressuring me to make the job switch now. But I cannot deny that in my current circumstances, other priorities beckon. Happiness ranking highest and family being key. The sacrifice of a potentially successful career is a difficult decision to make. Gut wrenching painful. But reminding myself of what I really want and treasure in life, I think this move is, unfortunately, necessary.

Didn't I once proclaim that my long term ambition is to be a tai-tai? So why am I bothered and flustered with the sudden kink on my career path?


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