Saturday, October 22, 2005

In loving memory

I remember too well:
when i learnt you were ill and yet well enough to nag me to go collect my new Mykad;
when i drove you to the hospital, with you complaining that i was driving way too fast even at 60kmph;
when i comforted you by telling you things will be alright and that there was nothing to fear

I remember too well:
when you asked me how life in KL was;
when you told me you worried about me lots when i was not in penang;
when you signed the consent form for the operation, probably one of the few times you would ever have needed to write your name in english

I remember too well:
your smile as the nurse complimented you on your lovely handwriting;
your quiet laugh when i told you about my second-cousins' wedding dinner the night before;
your adamance that none of us told our relatives you were sick as you did not want to inconvenience others

I remember too well:
waiting outside the operating theatre with Dan Brown's Digital Fortress in hand;
accompanying grandpa and uncle YW who were as anxious as I was;
constantly sms-ing mum, dad and bro, who were all at work, to keep them abreast of developments

I remember too well:
the sigh of relief and silent prayer i said when informed the operation was a success;
the delight of seeing you and talking to you again;
the anticipation of checking you out of the hospital in two days time

I remember too well:
when we popped into the hospital the next day in high spirits;
how our bubbles of joy burst when we were greeted by the grim faced doctor ;
when informed that complications were setting in

I remember too well:
seeing the nurses wheeling you into ICU;
seeing you going through the CT scan;
seeing you battle to speak to us when we were allowed to visit you on an individual by individual basis

I remember too well:
the collective decision we made to transfer you to a neighbouring hospital to undergo another operation;
the silent tears streaming down our cheeks as we huddled together;
the hope we carried as we fervently prayed that you would get through the ordeal

I remember too well:
when the surgeon told us that there was not much hope;
that there was no point putting you through surgery and further pain for nought;
the decision to let you leave us in peace

I remember too well:
us gathered around you, crying;
how peaceful you looked with your eyes closed;
how that would be the last time I had held your hands and told you that I loved you

In loving memory of my maternal grandma who passed away at 11:55 p.m. 9 November 2004....and yet, the pain of losing her remains indelibly etched in my heart


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