Sunday, December 16, 2007

My choice

My 4th week in a foreign land is just beginning. And as always, homesickness hits hard when:
a) You are idle
b) You are alone
c) There is something going on at home and everyone is back reuniting and reminiscing
d) Someone you love is ill

In my case, it is all the above.

I envy the happy faces I see on Facebook. Faces familar in my secondary school days. Happy and smiling. Catching up. I wish I were there too. To join in the fun.

At the moment, I feel lonely and cast aside. It is no fault of theirs coz if I were in Penang, the invitation to hang out would definitely be extended (then ungrateful me would complain about how these invites would be eating into my family time!). But I am miles and miles away when everyone is back home.

I need to remind myself:

You are already a lucky girl. Having spent so much time back in Malaysia with family in the last 7 years upon graduation. Perhaps the scholarship bond was a blessing in disguise, it delayed the decision to uproot to a foreign land immediately after 3 years abroad studying. It gave you time to be close to family, to enjoy their warmth and love and to realise how much you love them back too.

Those happy faces you see in facebook - they have been away from family since Form 5. Away studying, away working. They hardly come home. So who are you to be envious of them when they happen to come home at the same time to meet up with friends and family!?? Something which has been at your fingertips for the last 7 years.

Remember, you being in a foreign land is your choice. You have made the choice. There can be no regrets. No lapses of remorse. Nada. The choice has been made.

It is MY CHOICE. Now live with it.


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