Saturday, August 27, 2005

Flying goons

With AirAsia, flying is very much more affordable .....and perhaps therein lies the reason as to why there seem to be more idiotic goons lurking around at the airports nowadays. During my short flight yesterday, I'd noted the following types:

Goon 1: The opportunist
Whilst boarding the plane, 2 lines are open. One is for priority passengeers (i.e. the disabled, families with kiddos, old folks aged 55 years and above, pregnant ladies) and the other is for the rest of the world. Even with clear definitions spelled out by the attendants on duty, you'll be surprised at the unabashness of these individuals as they conveniently queue up in the former line, feigning ignorance.

Dirty tricks employed may vary as follows:

Tactic 1: to falsify kinship with the person in front by tailing him/her very closely and pretending to blend in with the travel group which qualifies for priority seating.

Tactic 2: to pretend not to understand English/ Bahasa Malaysia (and I know because I overheard these individuals discussing the option of lining up at the wrong line in said languages prior to boarding time).

Tactic 3: to pretend that the notion of priority seating is merely a joke pulled by the attendants on duty on unsuspecting individuals and try to laugh and force their way through the gates nevertheless.

There was this expert opportunist who chose to employ all 3 tactics, one after the failure of the other, in desperation....right until the exasperated attendant on duty had had the last straw and enquired loudly: "Excuse me sir, are you pregnant? and how many months due are you??"

Little pity as the waiting hall burst into laughter at the remark whilst said opportunist reluctantly slunk, red-faced, to the back of the correct line.

Goon 2: The socialite
These are people who just cannot live without their handphones being switched off....despite the countless reminders announced re the necessity to turn such devices off during the flight as they may intefere with the aircraft's signals.

In their minds, turning off their handphones would mean missing:
  1. that much-awaited phone call from that hot chick/ hunk
  2. closing the deal of the century
  3. saving someone else from the brink of suicide

Oh nevermind that by keeping their handphones, they choose to risk the plane crashing and burning, not only killing themselves but sacrificing the lives of other innocent passengers who actually took the reminders seriously, but had the misfortune to board the same flight as these idiotic die-hards.

Goon 3: The kleptomaniac
What is there to steal flying on a budget airline? well, well...i was surprised when the chief air stewardass made the following announcement when we touched down in Penang:
"Kindly note that the removal of life jackets from the plane is a very serious offence." - now those are really items with a high resale/ reuse value.

Enough said.


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